To clarify, I have not just been jilted, dumped, cheated on, or in any way deceived or taken advantage of recently. These are just some thoughts that popped into my mind and seemed blog-worthy. That said, this is going to sound a LOT like an emo rant. You've been warned.
Question: How the hell are you supposed to tell if people are trustworthy or not? There's literally NO way to tell. No telltale signs, no malicious gleam in their eye, no standard "this is how to detect a liar/cheater/bad person" protocol. NOTHING. And even if you feel like you can "read people", HOW? HOW can you do that? People change by the minute! People are one way in one situation or group and completely different in another. So how can you ever really know?
Answer: You can't.
And this isn't just me being a bitter, crusading female (I'm actually quite happy, thank you very much). It's basic evolution. Any cue that might have evolved to detect liars and cheaters, and the liars and cheaters are EVOLUTIONARILY PROGRAMMED to change their strategy to a different undetectable cue. Seriously. Read up on it, this shit is fascinating. (Check out The Moral Animal by Robert Wright if you want to know more)
But while it may be fascinating from a scientific point of a view, from a "I'm only human and I REALLY don't want to have my heart crushed" point of view, it's pretty freaking depressing. So what do you do? Just accept defeat, realize you can't ever be truly sure about anyone (or more likely, you can be truly sure about someone and then be really REALLY wrong), and trust everyone and hope for the best?
I mean that's what I've done so far in my life, and I haven't been let down too badly yet. And my whole plan for this year is to just go for it, to close my eyes and leap and deal with whatever happens. And I'm trying REALLY hard to do that; I'm taking jobs that scare me, I'm making trips across the country alone, I'm applying to schools that this time last year I wouldn't have even considered, and so far, nothing has blown up in my face!
I guess I'm just worried that sometime next week, or next year, or 10 years from now, something is going to blow up in my face, and I'm going to be crushed. Why I'm worrying about it now, I have no idea. But I am.
I mean, I just want to be happy. That's what we all want, right? But at what cost to our own self-preservation?
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Let's let kids be KIDS for a change!
First, I want to expose you all to a link of a blog by an absolutely fabulous mother. Her son is lucky to have someone like that in his corner, and handling "mommy war" issues with grace and humor is something that I admire so much. So take a look if the spirit moves you: http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/
Which leads me to my big idea: I realize I'm not a parent or an expert on child rearing, but I plan on being both of those things in the next decade, so listen up. IT'S TIME TO LET OUR KIDS BE KIDS, DAMN IT. It honestly makes me sick that so many parents and educators waste valuable time trying to force kids into these unnatural, grown up roles. They're kids! Let them be!
If your son wants to paint his fingernails, who cares?! I promise you, there are bigger and more important things in this world and your children's lives than what color their nails are today. Furthermore, being exposed to things in different colors and shapes is an ENRICHING experience for young minds. So it makes sense that little ones would want something colorful they could look at any moment! Does it mean they're gay? No. It means they like colors. Who the hell DOESN'T like colors when they're 4 years old?
Kids are supposed to be energetic and imaginative, and instead of embracing that and nourishing it, we try to stamp it out of them. If you look at the young in absolutely ANY SPECIES, nowhere will you find them sitting calmly and doing the same work as adults. So why do we expect that from our kids? If they want to play, LET THEM. If they want to be imaginative, LET THEM. They're going to be grown ups for the rest of their lives, so why start them the moment they enter kindergarten?
The pressure we put on our children today is absolutely insane. I know of a student who didn't even know it was his own birthday until halfway through the school day. How, as a parent, could you let something like that happen? Today, I had a third grader break down in tears because he was so stressed out by the volume of work he was assigned. How, as educators, can we allow this? Children are so unique and amazing in their individuality, we should be encouraging that in them, not disciplining it out of them or pouring pills down their throats!
When you think of the leaders and the geniuses of our generation, and past ones, do you think they were like little robots as children? Definitely not. Something to think about...
Which leads me to my big idea: I realize I'm not a parent or an expert on child rearing, but I plan on being both of those things in the next decade, so listen up. IT'S TIME TO LET OUR KIDS BE KIDS, DAMN IT. It honestly makes me sick that so many parents and educators waste valuable time trying to force kids into these unnatural, grown up roles. They're kids! Let them be!
If your son wants to paint his fingernails, who cares?! I promise you, there are bigger and more important things in this world and your children's lives than what color their nails are today. Furthermore, being exposed to things in different colors and shapes is an ENRICHING experience for young minds. So it makes sense that little ones would want something colorful they could look at any moment! Does it mean they're gay? No. It means they like colors. Who the hell DOESN'T like colors when they're 4 years old?
Kids are supposed to be energetic and imaginative, and instead of embracing that and nourishing it, we try to stamp it out of them. If you look at the young in absolutely ANY SPECIES, nowhere will you find them sitting calmly and doing the same work as adults. So why do we expect that from our kids? If they want to play, LET THEM. If they want to be imaginative, LET THEM. They're going to be grown ups for the rest of their lives, so why start them the moment they enter kindergarten?
The pressure we put on our children today is absolutely insane. I know of a student who didn't even know it was his own birthday until halfway through the school day. How, as a parent, could you let something like that happen? Today, I had a third grader break down in tears because he was so stressed out by the volume of work he was assigned. How, as educators, can we allow this? Children are so unique and amazing in their individuality, we should be encouraging that in them, not disciplining it out of them or pouring pills down their throats!
When you think of the leaders and the geniuses of our generation, and past ones, do you think they were like little robots as children? Definitely not. Something to think about...
Monday, November 1, 2010
Money isn't everything, but...
So I've been feeling super broke lately, and it's killing me! It's not exactly that I don't have money (although I am a recent college grad, so I don't have much) it's more that I'm not letting myself spend it. And that's a good thing, because keeping my grad school debt manageable is going to be improving my life for the next 10-15-20 years. But maybe it's the holidays coming up, or maybe it's all this free time, but I am DYING to spend money. Mostly on travel, so I think I can probably blame the free time.
It feels so unfair that I can't just hop on a plane to Hawaii for a week or two. Or New Zealand. Or Costa Rica. Or back to Italy. Or Spain! And Egypt! God, I want to go SO MANY PLACES (even the Grand Canyon or back to a few more places in the east coast would be awesome) and my financial responsibility is getting in the way!
My financial personality has been basically the same from a very young age. My grandpa remembers one Christmas, probably circa 1993, that I asked for a $100 dollar bill from Santa. My dad's favorite story to tell about me from my childhood is how I hoarded (his words, not mine) every bit of money that came my way, and counted it multiple times a day. The money in question, for your information, was a huge stack of $1 bills. Probably like 19 of them. I know, I was a high roller. =) And also, leave it to the MBA to think it's adorable that his 6 year old daughter is not only greedy, but also mistrusts her own family members when it comes to her money. How I haven't taken the business world by storm with this past is a mystery to me!
But I think the most relevant childhood money memory is when I told my mom I wanted a limo to take me to school, and she told me to start saving my pennies. Which I did, literally, for months. I don't know where I even found so many pennies, but I had a ton. But when the day came to count them all up, it still wasn't enough for a limo (who saw that one coming? yeah, everyone EXCEPT me). That's kind of how I'm feeling now. I can save and save and save, but I don't think there's ever going to be a time where it's wise, or even feasible, to hop on a plane and blow thousands of dollars without having to worry about what other, more practical things, that money could have gone towards.
There are some days that being a grown up really blows.
It feels so unfair that I can't just hop on a plane to Hawaii for a week or two. Or New Zealand. Or Costa Rica. Or back to Italy. Or Spain! And Egypt! God, I want to go SO MANY PLACES (even the Grand Canyon or back to a few more places in the east coast would be awesome) and my financial responsibility is getting in the way!
My financial personality has been basically the same from a very young age. My grandpa remembers one Christmas, probably circa 1993, that I asked for a $100 dollar bill from Santa. My dad's favorite story to tell about me from my childhood is how I hoarded (his words, not mine) every bit of money that came my way, and counted it multiple times a day. The money in question, for your information, was a huge stack of $1 bills. Probably like 19 of them. I know, I was a high roller. =) And also, leave it to the MBA to think it's adorable that his 6 year old daughter is not only greedy, but also mistrusts her own family members when it comes to her money. How I haven't taken the business world by storm with this past is a mystery to me!
But I think the most relevant childhood money memory is when I told my mom I wanted a limo to take me to school, and she told me to start saving my pennies. Which I did, literally, for months. I don't know where I even found so many pennies, but I had a ton. But when the day came to count them all up, it still wasn't enough for a limo (who saw that one coming? yeah, everyone EXCEPT me). That's kind of how I'm feeling now. I can save and save and save, but I don't think there's ever going to be a time where it's wise, or even feasible, to hop on a plane and blow thousands of dollars without having to worry about what other, more practical things, that money could have gone towards.
There are some days that being a grown up really blows.
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