Ok, wait a minute...

To clarify, I have not just been jilted, dumped, cheated on, or in any way deceived or taken advantage of recently. These are just some thoughts that popped into my mind and seemed blog-worthy. That said, this is going to sound a LOT like an emo rant. You've been warned.

Question: How the hell are you supposed to tell if people are trustworthy or not? There's literally NO way to tell. No telltale signs, no malicious gleam in their eye, no standard "this is how to detect a liar/cheater/bad person" protocol. NOTHING. And even if you feel like you can "read people", HOW? HOW can you do that? People change by the minute! People are one way in one situation or group and completely different in another. So how can you ever really know?

Answer: You can't.

And this isn't just me being a bitter, crusading female (I'm actually quite happy, thank you very much). It's basic evolution. Any cue that might have evolved to detect liars and cheaters, and the liars and cheaters are EVOLUTIONARILY PROGRAMMED to change their strategy to a different undetectable cue. Seriously. Read up on it, this shit is fascinating. (Check out The Moral Animal by Robert Wright if you want to know more)

But while it may be fascinating from a scientific point of a view, from a "I'm only human and I REALLY don't want to have my heart crushed" point of view, it's pretty freaking depressing. So what do you do? Just accept defeat, realize you can't ever be truly sure about anyone (or more likely, you can be truly sure about someone and then be really REALLY wrong), and trust everyone and hope for the best?

I mean that's what I've done so far in my life, and I haven't been let down too badly yet. And my whole plan for this year is to just go for it, to close my eyes and leap and deal with whatever happens. And I'm trying REALLY hard to do that; I'm taking jobs that scare me, I'm making trips across the country alone, I'm applying to schools that this time last year I wouldn't have even considered, and so far, nothing has blown up in my face!

I guess I'm just worried that sometime next week, or next year, or 10 years from now, something is going to blow up in my face, and I'm going to be crushed. Why I'm worrying about it now, I have no idea. But I am.

I mean, I just want to be happy. That's what we all want, right? But at what cost to our own self-preservation?