Stress is bad, stress is bad, stress is bad

So no matter how many books I read on the topic, or get advice from people WAY smarter than me, everyone who's anyone seems to agree that stress is BAD. Bad for you mentally, physically, in the long term... no matter how you slice it, it's something to be avoided.

And I get that. I don't doubt ANY of the information. But I have a confession... I LIVE for it. And I don't know why, but I can't seem to break myself of the habit! I'll just go ahead and confess it all. I am a stress junkie!

I think it started in high school. I had a friend who constantly complained about how much she had on her plate, and it was literally a point of pride, and almost like a sport to me to know that I had more on mine. It was like "oh, really? Guess how much I'm doing!" I think it may have gotten to the point that I took on extra things just to add to my impossibly long list. I remember at one point, right before AP tests (I was taking 3 of them) I also had two attorney roles in Mock Trial, AND a leading role in the school play, and was still somehow pulling a perfect, straight A's GPA. When I drank so many rockstars in a day that my urine turned a VERY unnatural neon color, I was thrilled! Alarmed, yeah, ok, maybe a little bit. But mostly thrilled.

I mean, that's sick, isn't it? And then I got to college, and I don't care WHO you are, if you've survived a single college finals week, you know stress on a very intimate level. And, no, it's never enjoyable, but once the finals are over, and I'd actually survived AND succeeded... it was awesome. There's a real sense of accomplishment that goes along with getting SO MUCH done in so little time (and with so little sleep).

So now, I've graduated college, and there's this big empty hole where my stress used to be. I go to work, and when I come home, I don't have to do much of anything until work the next morning if I don't want to. And I suppose that's nice. But really, it's not. I miss the scared-to-death, never going to get it done on time rush that goes along with having a million things to do and not nearly enough time to do it. That sensation of just checking things off the list left and right is SO AWESOME. I'll admit it. I miss it! And yeah, I have grad applications, but I've had so much time I've actually been working ahead on them. Bor-ing!

Then, today, I got a letter in the mail. I submitted the online application for all the CSU's I'm applying to about a week and a half ago so I'd be able to send in my transcripts and such for SDSU before UCSD closed for winter break. So I'm going along, not worried at all, when this letter comes from CSU Fresno. Turns out, you have to have ALL your application materials in within two weeks of the online application. Which is great. Except for the fact that I did not learn this fact until 11 days after I sent the application. Which means I have 3 days to not only complete the application, but also get it there. Scary scary stuff. I LOVED IT. I brewed a pot of coffee, literally RAN around my house getting my desk area work-able, lost every bit of fashion sense trying to find the perfect study outfit (has to be the perfect combo of warm/not clingy/not touching my legs.... tricky), AND GOT DOWN TO BUSINESS.

Ah, it feels so good to get the old heart racing again. Yeah, it's probably a sign of impending doom. But I love it!